Write your own eulogy first
Draft what you want said about your character at your funeral — then measure the gap against your life now.
Key takeaways
- What it is: Draft what you want said about your character at your funeral — then measure the gap against your life now.
- Why it works: Imagining the eulogy forces a values clarification that résumé-style goal-setting cannot reach, because it asks what kind of person you were, not what you accomplished. The gap between the eulogy you draft and the life you’re actually living creates productive dissonance — the same motivational engine that drives values-based approaches in research. Seeing the gap clearly is the beginning of choosing to close it.
- Evidence: Plausible mechanism, limited direct outcome data.
- Avoid: Writing the eulogy you think you should want — full of humble-brag achievements dressed as character — rather than digging honestly into how you actually treat people under pressure.
Why it works
Imagining the eulogy forces a values clarification that résumé-style goal-setting cannot reach, because it asks what kind of person you were, not what you accomplished. The gap between the eulogy you draft and the life you’re actually living creates productive dissonance — the same motivational engine that drives values-based approaches in research. Seeing the gap clearly is the beginning of choosing to close it.
How to do it
- 1Set 30 minutes. Write the eulogy you would most want given — focus on character and how you treated people, not on résumé achievements.
- 2Read it as if you are a mourner who knew you — is it honest, or aspirational?
- 3Identify the one character quality mentioned that you most need to develop and name a specific current situation where it is tested.
What the evidence says
MechanisticRegret-minimization and mortality-salience exercises that prompt reflection on what truly matters are associated with shifts in values and priorities in social psychology research, though the "write your own eulogy" format itself is a practitioner exercise without its own trial evidence.
Honest caveat: Terror management research shows mortality salience affects values, but effects are complex — it does not uniformly shift people toward deeper character. The eulogy exercise is a thoughtful application of the idea, not a tested protocol.
Common mistake
Writing the eulogy you think you should want — full of humble-brag achievements dressed as character — rather than digging honestly into how you actually treat people under pressure.
IX Coach helps you turn the gap between your idealized eulogy and your current behavior into a concrete, daily practice — starting with the one character quality most at stake today.
Practice this with IX Coach →