Regularly share novel and enjoyable activities
Do new things together — not only comfortable or habitual ones.
Key takeaways
- What it is: Do new things together — not only comfortable or habitual ones.
- Why it works: Shared activities are a core maintenance behavior, but novelty specifically matters. Arthur Aron’s self-expansion research shows that engaging in new, arousing activities together reactivates the attraction and excitement associated with early relationship stages, because physiological arousal generated by novelty is partly attributed to the partner. Routine activities maintain companionship; novel activities maintain attraction.
- Evidence: Backed by randomized trials / meta-analyses.
- Avoid: Counting habitual shared activities as maintenance novelty — "we do things together all the time" when those things are the same predictable repertoire.
Why it works
Shared activities are a core maintenance behavior, but novelty specifically matters. Arthur Aron’s self-expansion research shows that engaging in new, arousing activities together reactivates the attraction and excitement associated with early relationship stages, because physiological arousal generated by novelty is partly attributed to the partner. Routine activities maintain companionship; novel activities maintain attraction.
How to do it
- 1Schedule at least one genuinely new activity per month — not a variation on what you already do.
- 2Include your partner’s interests even if they don’t overlap with yours; expansion is part of the mechanism.
- 3Notice and comment on what you enjoyed about seeing your partner in a new context.
- 4Treat the effort of planning new activities as part of the maintenance investment, not a burden.
What the evidence says
RCT / meta-analysisAron and colleagues found in experimental and survey studies that engaging in novel, arousing activities together increased self-reported relationship quality compared to familiar activities.
Honest caveat: The novelty effect may attenuate over time as activities become familiar; the mechanism requires ongoing introduction of genuinely new experiences, not only varied forms of the same category.
- — Aron, Norman, Aron, McKenna & Heyman (2000), couples shared participation in novel activities, Journal of Personality and Social Psychology
Common mistake
Counting habitual shared activities as maintenance novelty — "we do things together all the time" when those things are the same predictable repertoire.
IX Coach tracks how recently you’ve done something genuinely new together and prompts planning a novel activity when the relationship’s routine has settled into pure habit.
Practice this with IX Coach →