Notice how you already matter
Deliberately surface evidence that you are noticed, important, or relied upon.
Key takeaways
- What it is: Deliberately surface evidence that you are noticed, important, or relied upon.
- Why it works: Flett distinguishes awareness mattering (being noticed), importance mattering (being cared about), and reliance mattering (being depended on). In people with low mattering, these signals are present but filtered out by a negativity bias that attends to exclusion and ignores inclusion. A structured noticing practice counters the bias by directing attention to evidence that was there but unregistered.
- Evidence: Backed by observational / correlational evidence.
- Avoid: Dismissing small evidence of mattering as not "real" mattering — "they only texted because they needed something." The exercise works by training you to register the signal before the dismissal.
Why it works
Flett distinguishes awareness mattering (being noticed), importance mattering (being cared about), and reliance mattering (being depended on). In people with low mattering, these signals are present but filtered out by a negativity bias that attends to exclusion and ignores inclusion. A structured noticing practice counters the bias by directing attention to evidence that was there but unregistered.
How to do it
- 1Each evening, write down one moment when someone noticed you — a greeting, a question, a message.
- 2Write one thing someone relied on you for today, however small.
- 3Write one person who would notice if you did not show up tomorrow.
What the evidence says
ObservationalFlett’s mattering research identifies aware-, importance-, and relied-upon mattering as distinct dimensions that each predict well-being; attentional training to positive social cues has support in the attention-bias modification literature.
Honest caveat: The mattering scale research is primarily cross-sectional; attention-bias modification for depression has mixed RCT results, so this should be treated as a supported heuristic rather than a proven protocol.
- — Flett (2018), The Psychology of Mattering, Academic Press
Common mistake
Dismissing small evidence of mattering as not "real" mattering — "they only texted because they needed something." The exercise works by training you to register the signal before the dismissal.
IX Coach closes each session by surfacing one way you mattered today, building the noticing habit even on days when it seems thin.
Practice this with IX Coach →