Pros and cons before acting on an urge
List the pros and cons of acting on the crisis urge before you do it — to give the decision back to your wiser self.
Key takeaways
- What it is: List the pros and cons of acting on the crisis urge before you do it — to give the decision back to your wiser self.
- Why it works: Crisis urges feel compelling because the emotional system has temporarily won the attention war. Pausing to write out the actual pros and cons of acting on the urge — including the consequences to relationships, goals, and self-respect — re-engages prefrontal cost-benefit reasoning. Even a brief engagement with consequences can create enough hesitation that the urge peaks and begins to subside before action.
- Evidence: Established clinical or therapeutic practice.
- Avoid: Doing the pros-cons mentally rather than in writing — the act of writing externalizes the process and engages different cognition than internal rumination does.
Why it works
Crisis urges feel compelling because the emotional system has temporarily won the attention war. Pausing to write out the actual pros and cons of acting on the urge — including the consequences to relationships, goals, and self-respect — re-engages prefrontal cost-benefit reasoning. Even a brief engagement with consequences can create enough hesitation that the urge peaks and begins to subside before action.
How to do it
- 1Write (not just think) the pros of following the urge right now.
- 2Write the cons — short-term and long-term — of following it.
- 3Write the pros and cons of tolerating the distress without acting on the urge.
- 4Read both lists. Notice if the emotional case for acting looks different on paper.
What the evidence says
Clinical practicePros and cons is a standard DBT distress tolerance tool. The underlying mechanism — that written cognitive evaluation slows impulsive behavior — is consistent with research on deliberative versus automatic decision-making. It is a clinical skill more than a trialed technique.
Honest caveat: At very high arousal, pros-cons may be too cognitively demanding; body-based skills (TIPP) should come first. This works better in the medium-intensity window.
Common mistake
Doing the pros-cons mentally rather than in writing — the act of writing externalizes the process and engages different cognition than internal rumination does.
IX Coach walks you through a structured pros-cons exercise for the specific urge you’re facing, keeping it brief enough to actually do in the moment.
Practice this with IX Coach →