Evaluate solutions for durability: realistic, mutually satisfying, safe
A collaborative solution that fails one of three tests — realistic, mutually satisfying, safe — will not hold.
Key takeaways
- What it is: A collaborative solution that fails one of three tests — realistic, mutually satisfying, safe — will not hold.
- Why it works: Children will not implement solutions they don’t understand or cannot realistically execute; adults will not honor solutions that leave their core concern unaddressed. A solution that is safe for everyone provides the non-negotiable floor. Evaluating all three criteria explicitly, rather than accepting the first idea that sounds reasonable, dramatically increases the probability that the agreed solution actually holds.
- Evidence: Plausible mechanism, limited direct outcome data.
- Avoid: Accepting the child’s first suggested solution to end the conversation, without checking whether it actually addresses the adult’s concern — which means the adult’s problem remains unsolved.
Why it works
Children will not implement solutions they don’t understand or cannot realistically execute; adults will not honor solutions that leave their core concern unaddressed. A solution that is safe for everyone provides the non-negotiable floor. Evaluating all three criteria explicitly, rather than accepting the first idea that sounds reasonable, dramatically increases the probability that the agreed solution actually holds.
How to do it
- 1When a solution is proposed, test it against three questions: Can the child realistically do this? Does it address both concerns? Is it safe?
- 2If any test fails, say so without blame and ask for another idea: "I’m not sure you’d be able to do that when you’re really angry — any other ideas?"
- 3Write down the agreed solution and review it once it has been tried: what worked, what didn’t?
What the evidence says
MechanisticSolution durability criteria are a standard component of structured problem-solving models across clinical and organizational contexts; mutual concern-addressing prevents the solution from devolving into capitulation by either party.
Honest caveat: The three-criteria test is a heuristic within Greene’s framework; its isolated effectiveness has not been separately studied.
Common mistake
Accepting the child’s first suggested solution to end the conversation, without checking whether it actually addresses the adult’s concern — which means the adult’s problem remains unsolved.
IX Coach walks you through solution evaluation for each Plan B outcome, flagging solutions that satisfy only one side or are unlikely to hold under real conditions.
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