The eulogy exercise: working backward from the life you want
Write a brief eulogy for yourself that describes who you were and how you lived — then work backward to what that requires today.
Key takeaways
- What it is: Write a brief eulogy for yourself that describes who you were and how you lived — then work backward to what that requires today.
- Why it works: Imagining end-of-life retrospectives activates long-term value framing, which competes with the short-term avoidance logic that governs most daily decisions. The technique temporarily shifts temporal discounting: the future self and its perspective become vivid and present, which reweights decisions toward what matters in the larger view. This is related to Regret Minimization and Jeff Bezos’s widely cited version of the same structure.
- Evidence: Plausible mechanism, limited direct outcome data.
- Avoid: Writing a résumé of achievements ("She was a VP, she ran three marathons") rather than a genuine relational and character account — the exercise targets values, not status.
Why it works
Imagining end-of-life retrospectives activates long-term value framing, which competes with the short-term avoidance logic that governs most daily decisions. The technique temporarily shifts temporal discounting: the future self and its perspective become vivid and present, which reweights decisions toward what matters in the larger view. This is related to Regret Minimization and Jeff Bezos’s widely cited version of the same structure.
How to do it
- 1Set 15 minutes aside. Write in third person: "She was someone who..."
- 2Describe the qualities, relationships, and contributions you want to be remembered for.
- 3Do NOT describe achievements — describe character and how people felt around you.
- 4Read it back and ask: "What would I need to be doing differently this week to make this true?"
What the evidence says
MechanisticMortality salience exercises have complex effects in Terror Management Theory research — they can either increase prosocial, values-consistent behavior or increase defensive behavior depending on framing. The eulogy framing (what did I stand for?) is the prosocial, self-transcendent version. Regret minimization has observational support in decision-making research.
Honest caveat: Mortality salience research is mixed and context-dependent; the eulogy framing as a values-clarification tool is practitioner-developed and not independently trialed. Can produce distress in some individuals — not suitable for acute grief contexts.
Common mistake
Writing a résumé of achievements ("She was a VP, she ran three marathons") rather than a genuine relational and character account — the exercise targets values, not status.
IX Coach uses the eulogy exercise at the outset of long-arc goal setting, then refers back to it when near-term decisions conflict with longer-term direction — keeping the larger compass in view.
Practice this with IX Coach →