Let go of perfectionism
See perfectionism as a shield against judgment, not a path to excellence — and set it down.
Key takeaways
- What it is: See perfectionism as a shield against judgment, not a path to excellence — and set it down.
- Why it works: Brown reframes perfectionism not as healthy striving but as a defensive belief that if you look and do everything perfectly, you can avoid blame and shame. Because the standard is unreachable, it guarantees the very feelings of failure it’s meant to prevent. Distinguishing it from healthy striving (which is self-focused and growth-oriented) is what lets you release the shield without dropping your standards.
- Evidence: Backed by observational / correlational evidence.
- Avoid: Confusing letting go of perfectionism with lowering standards or not caring — Brown’s point is that perfectionism and excellence are different things, and dropping the former protects the latter.
Why it works
Brown reframes perfectionism not as healthy striving but as a defensive belief that if you look and do everything perfectly, you can avoid blame and shame. Because the standard is unreachable, it guarantees the very feelings of failure it’s meant to prevent. Distinguishing it from healthy striving (which is self-focused and growth-oriented) is what lets you release the shield without dropping your standards.
How to do it
- 1Notice when you’re working to avoid judgment ("what will they think?") versus to improve ("how can I grow?").
- 2Reframe the goal around your own progress rather than others’ approval.
- 3Practice letting one thing be "good enough and shared" instead of perfect and hidden.
What the evidence says
ObservationalBrown’s perfectionism-as-shield framing comes from her grounded-theory interview research. It’s consistent with broader psychology findings that maladaptive perfectionism is linked to anxiety and depression, while that broader link is the more strongly evidenced part.
Honest caveat: Brown’s framing is qualitative; the wider perfectionism-and-distress research is correlational but more rigorously established.
Common mistake
Confusing letting go of perfectionism with lowering standards or not caring — Brown’s point is that perfectionism and excellence are different things, and dropping the former protects the latter.
IX Coach helps you catch when you’re acting to avoid judgment rather than to grow, and supports you in shipping the good-enough version instead of hiding the perfect one.
Practice this with IX Coach →