Send yourself the same loving wishes you send others
Expand loving-kindness practice inward — toward yourself as you would toward a beloved friend.
Key takeaways
- What it is: Expand loving-kindness practice inward — toward yourself as you would toward a beloved friend.
- Why it works: Most people who practice loving-kindness (metta) easily send warmth outward but experience a wall when directing it inward, often exposing the degree to which the inner critic has been running on autopilot. Explicitly directing the phrases inward trains the attentional habit of including oneself in the circle of care.
- Evidence: Backed by randomized trials / meta-analyses.
- Avoid: Forcing the warmth — trying to feel it by effort — rather than simply offering the phrases as intentions and allowing whatever arises. The phrases are invitations, not commands.
Why it works
Most people who practice loving-kindness (metta) easily send warmth outward but experience a wall when directing it inward, often exposing the degree to which the inner critic has been running on autopilot. Explicitly directing the phrases inward trains the attentional habit of including oneself in the circle of care.
How to do it
- 1Begin with a benefactor or easy person as the warm-up target.
- 2Shift to yourself and use the same phrases: "May I be safe. May I be healthy. May I live with ease."
- 3If resistance arises, notice it with curiosity rather than pushing through — the noticing itself is the practice.
What the evidence says
RCT / meta-analysisLoving-kindness meditation directed at the self has shown increases in positive affect and self-compassion in multiple studies, and one RCT found it reduced self-criticism in self-critical participants specifically.
Honest caveat: Samples are typically non-clinical; effect sizes vary, and self-report measures of compassion are susceptible to demand characteristics.
- — Shahar et al. (2015), loving-kindness and self-criticism RCT, Clinical Psychology & Psychotherapy
Common mistake
Forcing the warmth — trying to feel it by effort — rather than simply offering the phrases as intentions and allowing whatever arises. The phrases are invitations, not commands.
IX Coach weaves loving wishes inward at the close of difficult sessions, prompting you to offer yourself the same care you’ve been encouraged to extend to others throughout the conversation.
Practice this with IX Coach →