Ask for feedback before you give it
Earn the right to challenge by inviting challenge yourself, first.
Key takeaways
- What it is: Earn the right to challenge by inviting challenge yourself, first.
- Why it works: Asking for criticism on yourself does two things: it shows that candor is a two-way norm rather than something you only dish out, and it lets you model how to receive feedback without defensiveness. People give honest feedback only when it’s visibly safe, and the fastest way to make it safe is to be the first one in the water.
- Evidence: Plausible mechanism, limited direct outcome data.
- Avoid: Asking for feedback and then explaining why the person is wrong — which teaches everyone watching that candor toward you is unsafe, killing the norm you wanted to build.
Why it works
Asking for criticism on yourself does two things: it shows that candor is a two-way norm rather than something you only dish out, and it lets you model how to receive feedback without defensiveness. People give honest feedback only when it’s visibly safe, and the fastest way to make it safe is to be the first one in the water.
How to do it
- 1Ask a specific, hard question ("What could I have done better in that meeting?") and stay silent.
- 2Reward the candor — thank them, and act on it visibly — even when it stings.
- 3Do this before you start handing out feedback, so the norm is reciprocal.
What the evidence says
MechanisticSoliciting feedback to build a candor culture is one of Scott’s core practices; it aligns with research on feedback-seeking behavior and on leaders modeling vulnerability to build safety.
Honest caveat: Practitioner prescription supported in spirit by feedback-seeking and psychological-safety research; the specific sequencing is Scott’s. Asking and then getting defensive is worse than not asking.
Common mistake
Asking for feedback and then explaining why the person is wrong — which teaches everyone watching that candor toward you is unsafe, killing the norm you wanted to build.
IX Coach helps you craft a specific feedback-seeking question and rehearse receiving the answer without defending, so you model the candor you want back.
Practice this with IX Coach →