Drive all blames into one
When conflict arises, examine how self-grasping is the root, rather than blaming the other person.
Key takeaways
- What it is: When conflict arises, examine how self-grasping is the root, rather than blaming the other person.
- Why it works: The Lojong slogan "drive all blames into one" points to the habitual pattern of self-protection: when things go wrong, the habitual mind seeks an external cause to blame. The practice is to redirect inquiry inward — not to self-flagellate, but to notice the role of ego-grasping, self-centered expectation, or reactivity that contributed to the situation. This interrupts the blame cycle that maintains interpersonal conflict.
- Evidence: Plausible mechanism, limited direct outcome data.
- Avoid: Using this slogan to take all blame as a form of self-punishment — the practice is about clarity, not guilt.
Why it works
The Lojong slogan "drive all blames into one" points to the habitual pattern of self-protection: when things go wrong, the habitual mind seeks an external cause to blame. The practice is to redirect inquiry inward — not to self-flagellate, but to notice the role of ego-grasping, self-centered expectation, or reactivity that contributed to the situation. This interrupts the blame cycle that maintains interpersonal conflict.
How to do it
- 1When you find yourself blaming someone for a difficulty, pause and ask: "What role did my own expectations or reactions play here?"
- 2Do not use this to excuse genuinely harmful behaviour — take clear account of what happened.
- 3Look specifically for where self-grasping (needing things to go a certain way) created the friction.
- 4Then — separately — address the external situation from a clearer starting point.
What the evidence says
MechanisticResearch on attribution bias shows that self-serving attributions (crediting oneself for success, blaming others for failure) are a major source of interpersonal conflict. Lojong’s instruction to examine self-grasping is a counteraction to this bias.
Honest caveat: This is a mechanistic connection between a traditional teaching and attribution research; the practice is contemplative, not a clinical protocol.
Common mistake
Using this slogan to take all blame as a form of self-punishment — the practice is about clarity, not guilt.
IX Coach uses this inquiry when you bring it a conflict: walking you through the attribution pattern without excusing others or punishing yourself.
Practice this with IX Coach →