See things from the other person’s point of view
Try honestly to see things from the other person’s angle before you argue your own.
Key takeaways
- What it is: Try honestly to see things from the other person’s angle before you argue your own.
- Why it works: Perspective-taking lowers the other person’s sense of opposition and lets you frame your case in terms they already accept. It also corrects your own model: most disagreements rest on a hidden assumption you’d revise if you saw their constraints. The result is persuasion by alignment rather than by force.
- Evidence: Backed by observational / correlational evidence.
- Avoid: Doing a token "I see your point" and immediately pivoting to "but" — which signals you never actually took the view seriously.
Why it works
Perspective-taking lowers the other person’s sense of opposition and lets you frame your case in terms they already accept. It also corrects your own model: most disagreements rest on a hidden assumption you’d revise if you saw their constraints. The result is persuasion by alignment rather than by force.
How to do it
- 1State the other person’s position back to them until they agree you’ve got it right.
- 2Ask yourself what you would want and do if you were in their exact situation.
- 3Build your proposal on the part of their view you can honestly share.
What the evidence says
ObservationalPerspective-taking is a studied construct linked to reduced conflict and better negotiation outcomes; Carnegie’s specific framing of it as an influence tool is practitioner advice.
Honest caveat: Perspective-taking helps but isn’t a guaranteed win — used cynically to find leverage it can erode trust. Treat it as understanding, not as a manipulation lever.
Common mistake
Doing a token "I see your point" and immediately pivoting to "but" — which signals you never actually took the view seriously.
IX Coach walks you through articulating the other side’s position convincingly before you respond, so you argue from understanding rather than assumption.
Practice this with IX Coach →