It’s not things that disturb us
“People are disturbed not by things, but by their judgments about things.”
Key takeaways
- What it is: “People are disturbed not by things, but by their judgments about things.”
- Why it works: Epictetus’ most quoted line locates distress in the opinion attached to an event, not the event itself — which is why the same circumstance devastates one person and barely touches another. Because the judgment is yours, it’s editable; the event often isn’t. Finding and revising the judgment is therefore the highest-leverage place to intervene.
- Evidence: Established clinical or therapeutic practice.
- Avoid: Hearing it as "your feelings aren’t valid" or "just think positive". The point is that judgments are examinable and changeable — not that pain is your fault.
Why it works
Epictetus’ most quoted line locates distress in the opinion attached to an event, not the event itself — which is why the same circumstance devastates one person and barely touches another. Because the judgment is yours, it’s editable; the event often isn’t. Finding and revising the judgment is therefore the highest-leverage place to intervene.
How to do it
- 1When upset, separate the bare event from the verdict you’ve laid on it.
- 2Name the judgment explicitly ("this means I’m a failure", "this is unbearable").
- 3Ask whether the judgment is accurate and useful — and revise it if it isn’t.
What the evidence says
Clinical practiceThis is, almost verbatim, the cognitive model behind CBT: thoughts (not events) drive feelings, and revising distorted thoughts changes the emotion. That model is extensively supported clinically.
Honest caveat: The strong evidence is for the CBT cognitive model the line anticipates; the maxim itself is philosophical. Some events (trauma, real loss) also need more than reappraisal.
Common mistake
Hearing it as "your feelings aren’t valid" or "just think positive". The point is that judgments are examinable and changeable — not that pain is your fault.
IX Coach helps you pull the buried judgment out of an upset, look at it directly, and decide whether it deserves to keep running your emotional response.
Practice this with IX Coach →