Use a storytelling round to build mutual understanding before solving
Before moving to resolution, give each person a round to tell their experience of what happened.
Key takeaways
- What it is: Before moving to resolution, give each person a round to tell their experience of what happened.
- Why it works: In conflict, people are typically heard only for their position and their proposed solution — not for their full experience of what happened. A dedicated storytelling round, where each person narrates their experience of the event without interruption, activates perspective-taking in listeners and gives each person the experience of being fully heard. The empathy generated by genuine listening consistently reduces the emotional charge of conflict and makes creative resolution more accessible.
- Evidence: Backed by observational / correlational evidence.
- Avoid: Moving immediately from describing the problem to proposing solutions, without a dedicated round for each person to be heard — which means the resolution is built on incomplete understanding.
Why it works
In conflict, people are typically heard only for their position and their proposed solution — not for their full experience of what happened. A dedicated storytelling round, where each person narrates their experience of the event without interruption, activates perspective-taking in listeners and gives each person the experience of being fully heard. The empathy generated by genuine listening consistently reduces the emotional charge of conflict and makes creative resolution more accessible.
How to do it
- 1Introduce the round: "We’re going to hear from each person about what they experienced. This round is for listening, not for responding."
- 2Pass the talking piece with the prompt: "Tell us what happened from where you were standing."
- 3After all stories are told, ask a second round: "What did you hear that surprised you, or that you didn’t know before?"
What the evidence says
ObservationalNarrative therapy research and perspective-taking studies both show that the experience of telling your story and being genuinely heard reduces defensive reactivity and increases willingness to consider others’ perspectives.
Honest caveat: The storytelling mechanism is supported by narrative therapy and perspective-taking research in general; specific studies of circle storytelling rounds are primarily practitioner-reported.
- — White, M. & Epston, D. (1990). Narrative Means to Therapeutic Ends. Norton.
Common mistake
Moving immediately from describing the problem to proposing solutions, without a dedicated round for each person to be heard — which means the resolution is built on incomplete understanding.
IX Coach coaches you on how to structure and introduce the storytelling round, including how to hold the space when a story becomes emotionally intense without shutting it down.
Practice this with IX Coach →