Acts of kindness
Do one deliberate kind thing for another person — the giver benefits as much as or more than the receiver.
Key takeaways
- What it is: Do one deliberate kind thing for another person — the giver benefits as much as or more than the receiver.
- Why it works: Prosocial behavior activates reward circuitry in the giver — sometimes called the "helper’s high." Performing deliberate kind acts shifts attention outward and connects the giver to a sense of meaning and positive social identity. The effect is largest when the kind act is varied, deliberately chosen, and performed with awareness rather than as an automatic routine.
- Evidence: Backed by randomized trials / meta-analyses.
- Avoid: Counting ordinary responsibilities as acts of kindness — making dinner for your family because you always do is not a deliberate kind act in the sense that produces the wellbeing effect. The deliberateness is the active ingredient.
Why it works
Prosocial behavior activates reward circuitry in the giver — sometimes called the "helper’s high." Performing deliberate kind acts shifts attention outward and connects the giver to a sense of meaning and positive social identity. The effect is largest when the kind act is varied, deliberately chosen, and performed with awareness rather than as an automatic routine.
How to do it
- 1Choose one deliberate act of kindness each day — something you choose specifically rather than what you normally do.
- 2Vary the acts: novelty increases the positive emotion benefit.
- 3Do them in a concentrated day (several acts in one day) for a stronger acute effect, or spread them for a sustaining effect.
- 4Notice the warm feeling that comes from doing them — this is part of the practice, not vanity.
What the evidence says
RCT / meta-analysisActs of kindness have RCT support for wellbeing improvement. Lyubomirsky and colleagues found that performing five acts of kindness on one day per week produced wellbeing gains over six weeks in a randomized study. The effect is real but depends on novelty and intention.
Honest caveat: Effects were found when acts were concentrated (all on one day) rather than spread across the week in the original study. Habituation reduces the effect over time; keeping acts novel matters.
- — Lyubomirsky, Sheldon & Schkade (2005), kindness and wellbeing, Review of General Psychology
Common mistake
Counting ordinary responsibilities as acts of kindness — making dinner for your family because you always do is not a deliberate kind act in the sense that produces the wellbeing effect. The deliberateness is the active ingredient.
IX Coach suggests a specific, varied act of kindness matched to your life and relationships — then asks whether you did it and what the experience felt like for you.
Practice this with IX Coach →